Friday, October 5, 2012

INSTEAD OF ACME'S:THE COYOTE VS THE ROADRUNNER IT'S....

IT'S THE ROTTWEILERS VS THE CHIPMUNK

 Fall...the time of year when you always feel tired. Myself, I find everyone and everything very edgy,
Especially people. Take a look around the next time you're out and about. It's getting close to Christmas, so the Malls are starting to fill up with bitchy people. All starting early looking for the perfect gifts. Be sure to disregard the teenagers as .... believe me they are oblivious to you when they walk into you like you should move. Boy I'm not looking forward to Christmas Shopping, I hate Malls. Although I imagine if I had lots of money I'm sure my outlook would be different....loll.

I look out my window.....
The trees are becoming vibrant with colour just to drop to the ground. the wind always whistling it's sad song. That damn Chipmunk has been digging the shit out of my gardens...... look at my interlocking brick walkway....."It looks like it's walked away! That's the problem when you own the company..... you get all the animals, well I'll get Ron to set a trap tonight."
I pick up the broom...
"OK let's do this...."

I find Eagles seven bridges playing in my headphones as I try to summon any ump I have to get my ass in gear and moving..... I start singing along with the song as I clean. I'm bebopping around not paying attention.....Sweeping and singing, quite badly.... I must admit.
"WWHHOOOAAAAT THE..." MY BROOM JUST PUSHED BACK!!!!!
"SQUEEEEEEK!!!!!!" As a Chipmunk squealed at me as it ran back under my grandfather clock.
pause........
This is the point where I should let you know that I have have two puppies. Well... I guess you really couldn't call Keisha a puppy she's more like Big Momma. Considering she's Kaya's (my other puppy) Mom. I will say if you would have asked me three years ago about owning a Rotty. I would have told you to go F yourself you were crazy. I was dead against them ALL OF THEM!!!!! Never in a Million Years did I ever think that I'd be making baby noises at two of the biggest most perfectly scary Rottweilers you'll ever see and I trust them with my life!!!!
un pause....

The Puppies come tearing up the stairs like a herd of elephants. As usual when they get to the top of the stairs.... As usual Keisha turned left went went directly into the dining room through the living room to where I was. Kaya run around like she always did to the right. through the kitchen... the front hall and into the living room to where I was.
"GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"......."RRRR RRRRGGGGGGGGGGGR" Kaya and Keisha had now taken over the situation! It was their arch nemisis Alvin the Chipmunk!!!!
out of the two dogs they both have their attributes but Keisha is the Boss!!! She signals Kaya to stop Barking and growling to She signal for Kaya to follow her. Keisha quietly jobs up on the couch and lays in wait. While Kaya follows suit on the other couch. I'm sure in their eyes they were lions looking through the tall green grass just waiting to pounce on their victim.
"Honestly...... it's Acme Central at my house, like Bugs Bunny and The Road Runner Show Only the Kaya and Keisha Skow Huh Girls?" As I bent over to see if I could save poor Alvin's life....I banged at the bottom of the grandfather clock. " Boy I reallyh gotto duuuus........BIONG!!!! "grrrrrrRUFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!" .........BAAAMMMMMM!!!! "RRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEERRRSHHH........CRAACCCKKK!!!!!! RRRRUUUUFFFF RUF RUF RUF ruf ruf ru r........." CCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAsssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! the SOUND OF KEISHA POUNCING ON THE BACK OF THE HUGE CLOCK UP EIGHT FEET IN THE AIR AND PUSHES IT OVER TO GET AT THE CHIPMUNK!!!!!! SHE DIDN'T REALISE THAT SHE PUSHED IT RIGHT ON TOP OF ME!!!!!! TALK ABOUT KISSING MY OWN ASS!!!!" BOY I NEED A SHOWER, WHEW............KEISHA GET OFF THE DAMN CLOCK!!!!"
I needed you to completely understand the position that was was in.........although I was laughing my ass off the entire time that this was going on. I was literally kissing it....... remember... i was bent over .... the Chipmunk........".Boy this damn clocks heavy........ Are you ever going to be in trouble when my angermangement wears off YOU ....." "WOLF!!!!!" AND THEIR WERE OFF ALVIN HAD MADE FOR IT........... HE RAN UNDER THE DINING ROOM TABLE KAYA POUNCED" WOLF!!!" WHEN WHEN UNDER THE DINING CHAIRS RIGHT IN FRONT
OF THE HUTCH....THE HUTCH QUIVERED.... I COULD SEE IT GETTING READY TO FALL FORWARD ON THE THE TABLE....KEISHA JUMPS OFF OF THE CLOCK AND LUNGES AT ALVIN THE CHIPMUNK.......... ALVIN SHOOTS PAST KAYA AND ZAGS LEFT TO AVOID KEISHA'S TEETH. Alvin HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.......BUT NOT BEFORE CAUSING KEISHA TO SMASH INTO KAYA CAUSING BOTH OF THEM TO .............RRAAAAAMMMM!!!! MY!!! HUTCH!!! IT SMACK AGAINST THE WALL AND IT'S ALL OVER FROM THERE.........

!!......UUU...UUU..UHHHHH..MM..PPPPP..HH..H..HA"....."NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
cRASH I GET OUT FROM UNDER THE CLOCK.......... MUMBLING A BUNCH OF WORDS THAT WOULD GET ME KICKED OFF OF GOOGLE!@##@$$$#$#$#$%$%$2234R@#$$#% i GET UP AND TURN AROUND TO SEE THE MY PRIDE AND JOY!!!!..... MY DINING HUTCH WITH EVERYTHING THAT I TRULY CARED ABOUT ALL OF MY MOTHER'S CRYSTAL..... THE GOOD STUFF...............GONE.
"eeee-eee-ee-eeeeeee-e-eeeeee" "rrrrruuuuuRRRRUFFFFFWOLFFF!!! WOLF!!!!! wOLF!!!!!!"
THE DOGS RUN OUTSIDE TO IF THEY KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR THEM DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES!!!!
JUST KIDDING...... NO ANIMALS WERE HURT IN THE WRITING OF THIS STORY!!!!!
BONG BONG BONG
OVER!!!
As the clock let's me know it's also toast!

The Moral of the story especially if you own your own Animal Removal Company:
If you have a Chipmunk making a mess of your garden, porch, steps, walkways, driveways call us and get rid of it NOW before you LOOSE everything you care about later over stupidity and stubbornness!!!!! Don"t let you spouse tell you to let it go, get rid if it before you got to fix it!!!
Call us before your Chipmunk Problem Turns into a chipmunk Situation!!!!

CALL (226) 600-5597

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